We need support, not criticism

For us who live with autism, ADHD, depression or anxiety at times things can get on top of us and our ability to manage is signifyingly reduced. One of the areas that this shows is in cleanness of our living space which becomes messy. This is not a personal failing but a side effect of our mental state and emotional struggles at the time and our ability to manage just getting through the day let alone doing housework.

I am personally in this stage myself; I am slowly coming out of autistic burnout and my anxiety has been over the top. I had a friend swing by briefly and he made a comment about the state of the flat which actually really hurt. I did not pick him up on this at the time as I had so many things going on it wasn’t funny but did mention it to him later.

I messaged my friend a few days later when I had so head space to do so, I actually debated with myself a lot if I should comment or not but decided to because I needed to for myself but so that my friend could understand where I was. 

I was in the midst of full autistic burnout and had a battle with an insurance company after being involved in a car accident. The community support I got twice a week under NASC was not regular like it should be and there were communication issues. Both of these took a lot of time and energy which is time and energy taken away from other things like keeping up with house work. 

The are a number of things I have done around the house which includes rebuilding the old raised gardens out the back of my flat and maintaining the garden. At the time I was finishing off a Graduate Diploma with the final paper being a research paper; I recieved an A- for my research and an A- for the course as a whole. I sit on a Lived Experience Advisory Panel and we had a lot of work on, this included a submission to Parliament on a Bill going through Select Committee, I drafted the submission and sent it out several times for feedback. There was also a consulation that an agency wanted, however, the turn around time on this was very tight.

I had also struggled with my physical health; this included two weeks basically being stuck in bed, flare ups from chronic regional pain and struggles with depression.

I mentioned that the place was chaotic because of the above but I was slowly getting things back into order. I was paid for some of the consultency work and used that for some shelving. Money is tight being on a benefit and doing contract work but had managed to wipe $250 off my overdraft in 3 months plus saved and got new glasses instead of going to Social Services and getting an advance for them and having to pay them off.

 To my friends credit he acknowledged that did not see that a lot had been going on and that there may be a lot that he does not understand i.e. executive burnout or autistic overwhelm. He apologised and said instead of being more supportive he had been dismissive and rude and did not mean for it to come out that way. He reinforced he is proud of what I have achieved and as if we could chat up for a talk ideally in person which I was happy to.

Sometimes it is small things that stop us i.e. I had the green waste from the old garden beds and framing to go to the tip. At the time money was tighter than normal and it was tip fees for food. I worked with my Community Support Worker and actually went through several old boxes in the study and cleared two bags of stuff I no longer needed and added it to go to the tip. Having my Support Worker there made me focus and acted as a body double encouraged me to get started, helped me focus and provided physical assistance.

Is all the clutter gone? No, but with the support of my friend in recogizing the impact of his comment, being open to having a chat and recongizing what was going on for me, but also sending encouraging texts as I updated him on what had been done, i.e. shelves, all the outside watse stacked ready to go it showed support and encouraged me to and will continue  follow through. The support provided by my Support Worker acting as a body double also  played a big role and will continue to as I  further decluter.